Everything Apple Needs to Introduce at WWDC to Appease the Internet

With WWDC just a few weeks away, I thought it’d be beneficial to the Internet at large to compile a working list of everything that is expected of Apple during their Keynote and subsequent “State of the Union” addresses in order to appease the Internet. Failure to introduce each and every one of these features and updates will result in another stock price plummet, calls for Tim Cook’s ouster and an infinite amount of comments on tech blogs decrying that Android is superior to Apple’s iOS.

  1. A completely refreshed design language for iOS 7 that sheds the Forstall and oozes Ive.
  2. Modernized and updated system apps for iOS that match the new Ivey design language.
  3. A services/sharing architecture on par with what is offered by Windows Phone and Android.
  4. An update to iMessage that makes it reliable.
  5. An update to iMessage that allows people to leave group chats.
  6. Multiple people on FaceTime calls.
  7. Xcode 5 with better refactoring tools, smarter smart sense and less crashes.
  8. A separate documentation viewer from Xcode itself so that command-tabbing between code and documents is possible and I can remove that weird purple icon DashCode uses from my Dock.
  9. Transitioning the beta testing process from device limits and towards Apple ID’s so anyone with a targeted ID can install a beta product on any device they own.
  10. The ability to distribute betas over the App Store.
  11. Analytics tools for App Store developers so we can see where referrals and sales funnel in from.
  12. Real-time sales analytics. It’s 2013. Next day sales charts just won’t do.
  13. The ability to finally, once and for all delete old app IDs from the portal.
  14. The death of the provisioning profile to make deploying to devices less of a headache.
  15. The removal of the 100 device limit for iOS beta testing, or at a minimum deleting a device gives the slot back to you before your iOS developer program renewal date.
  16. A faster, more reliable iCloud.
  17. An updated iCloud that obviates the need for services like Dropbox.
  18. Syncing with Core Data and iCloud to actually work so that we can stop writing blog posts about it.
  19. A backend service that ties to iCloud that enables Apple platform developers to deploy a web service to tie their apps together. Think Google App Engine, but with a flat UI designed by Jony Ive.
  20. The ability to customize the lock screen on iOS.
  21. The ability to organize your springboard free-form.
  22. The ability to add widgets to your home screen.
  23. Quick access to key service toggles like Airplane Mode and Bluetooth.
  24. A more reliable Game Center so Loren doesn’t break it again.
  25. The ability to Find My Friends without having to open up an app covered in leather. This will allow vegetarians to finally use the product.
  26. Updates to iTunes Match make it more like Rdio and less like an unreliable mess.
  27. An updated notification center that supports swiping away notifications
  28. An updated notification center that supports quick actions from a notification
  29. An updated notification center that offers Game Center achievements for successfully tapping the tiny “X” on the first try.
  30. The ability to download Mac apps from your iPhone or iPad and have them show up on your Mac when you get home.
  31. The ability to download iPad apps from your iPhone and have them show up on supported devices automatically.
  32. A web-based front-end to iTunes that doesn’t involve ever launching iTunes again.
  33. Selective backup restoration from an iCloud backup.
  34. Read and write access to Photo Streams.
  35. The ability to set new default apps for things like the camera, calendar and browser.
  36. Deeper integration for third-party services beyond just Twitter and Facebook.
  37. The return of Google Maps.
  38. A Q&A session with Tim Cook at the conclusion of the Keynote where he answers questions from anyone not named Robert Scoble.
  39. The ability to update apps in the background without weird geofencing hacks to accomplish it.
  40. A new App Store app that isn’t a complete turd.
  41. An update to OS X that is not only stable and fast, but incorporates new features both pulled back from iOS and to further push it ahead of Windows 8.
  42. The ability to disable that god damned Mac App Store updates notification without having to actually update or open the Mac App Store.
  43. Port UIKit back to OS X so that I can stop reading tweets from people bitching about how old and dated AppKit is.
  44. Retina screens for every Mac.
  45. A new Mac Pro. Finally.
  46. Air Drop support across the Internet and not just your local network.
  47. Pull all the Google-centric code from WebKit 2 and make the next version of Safari suck less. No more reloading all my tabs please.
  48. The ability to read your iBooks on your Mac.
  49. MapKit for OS X.
  50. Siri support for the Mac.

No pressure, right?

About Justin

Justin Williams is the Crew Chief of Second Gear. He writes about consumer technology, running a bootstrapped software business, and more from Denver, Colorado.

Follow @justin on Twitter or get new articles via @carpeaqua.